Why am I doing this for you
by hanjizoesgoggles
Summary: Eridan has to make sure he gets laid after college.


"O-our most _expensive _ring, sir?" the young woman at the counter blinked, her face showing the uttermost confusion.

"That _is_ what I said," sighed Eridan, starting to get really pissed off at how much this person was making him stall. He had spent four days trying to find which jewllery shops to go to, three hours to get to the city to see them, and after he had checked out the last five places he really wasn't up to people testing his patience.

"B-but sir," the girl stuttered, smiling nervously. "Our most highly-priced rings go for more than _a million dollars._And they're engagement rings, no less."

She looked at the man across from her up and down, noticing a hole in the bottom of his grey T-Shirt and a rip in the knee of his jeans. He looked extremely out of place, as the few other people in the shop also noticed, while walking around in their sparkly cocktail dresses and

tweed suits, as if they were going to a party at seven o'clock in the fucking morning.

_God, Americans are so _weird_._

"I'm not going to get any quality without burnin' a little cash, will I?" Eridans glare seemed to do the trick, for soon after the woman nodded and coughed uneasily before rounding the counter and leading him towards a glass-covered shelf, a small collection of obviously diamond rings placed carefully in the centre.

"Uh, um," it was rather obvious that by her stuttering she had not gotten this job out of her skill, along with the fact she was surprised when somebody wanted to buy a diamond ring at the most expensive store Eridan had seen in five years. "The exclusive ones, here, are the clear, blue, and red, a part of our wedding section. There are more choices at the back, but I'm sure-"

"I want the yellow one," Eridan said in a low voice. The ring he saw was right at the back corner, obviously an undesirable one, nethertheless expensive, judging by the many zeros on the mirky price tag. It was covered in dust, and the red and blue band could hardly be seen. However, the colour still shone through, and he knew that it was perfect.

"Ah, that one… that one will sell for one million and thirty-five thousand…" she trailed off, her eyes bulging as he pulled out a cheque book and a pen out of his back pocket and started writing.

"You do take these things, right? Sure you know what to do with it." He ripped it out and handed it to the girl, who stared at in bewilderment.

"You… your girlfriend is a very lucky lady."  
Eridan snickered. "A lady? He's nothin' like it."

—

"Oi, asshole, we're going out for dinner tonight, so you better drop that console and start gettin' dressed so we don't show up lookin' like Jane Goodall and one a her 'friends'." Eridan tapped his boyfriend's head and flopped down next to him on the sofa.

"Yeah, I'd hate to look like an old chick in there. Where are we going?" Sollux miraculously complied with the other's wishes and shut down his DS to rub behind his glasses. He'd gotten a new game yesterday, and he literally hadn't stopped playing it since. Admittedly, his eyes had started to hurt as a result, which wasn't unusual, but he wouldn't mind just talking to Eridan for a bit.

"Out, that's where."

"Very informative. Okay, so why are we going? Is Feferi having another massive party or somethin' again?"

"No, it'll just be the two a us."

"Romantic."

"Well I'm _sorry_ for bein' nice for a change."

Sollux smirked and scooted closer. "Mmm, I don't mind, but we could just skip straight to the point now, you know," he whispered into Eridan's ear, his hand wandering dangerously close to inbetween the other mans thighs. Eridan pushed him off and got up.

"No, you fuckin' stink. Now go take a shower and try to look nice for once."

"But E Deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-"  
"No 'but's, not for a month if you're goin' to keep actin' like this."  
"Ugh, fine, _mum._" Sollux pushed himself up and headed towards the bathroom. "I'll be thinking 'bout you."

"You're disgustin'!" Eridan shouted, throwing the discarded DS at Sollux, who caught it expertly and moved out of the room.

Eridan sighed and thought to himself, _I can't believe I'm doin this stuff for this asshole. _He looked at his computer bag beside the door, where his heart thumped at the knowledge of the ring placed inside.

_Everythin's gonna be okay. He can't refuse the guy who buys him that many games._

_—_

"ED, why, like seriously fuckin' _why, _did I have to wear a suit here," Sollux whined, pulling at the stiff collar he was wearing.

"Stop swearin', Sol, you're makin' me look bad. And because it's a nice fuckin' dinner, what the hell else would you wear?"

"We could've just gone to Hungry Jacks and I'd still bang you."

Eridan chewed on his 'premium' fish slowly with a glare. "This isn't about sex, otherwise I'd actually get something you fuckin' enjoy, like that… uh, Amazin' Burglary Car or whatever."

"Grand Theft Auto, you got me that last week, and so why are we even here? I thought you were sick of the whole rich kid thing."

"Doesn't mean I dont want actual food once in a while."

"Champagne, my sirs?" interrupted the voice of the waiter, a tall man with a sterotypical curly moustache and Italian accent.

_Finally, I've been waitin' for this guy all fuckin' evenin'._

"Yeah, thanks," Eridan forced a smile and the waiter placed down the cups, and Eridan caught the glint of the ring at the bottom of Sollux's glass. It was overly romantic, something that would come straight out of one of Karkat's shitty romcoms, but it was the most expensive way he could do this, and that's what mattered. His heart beat faster at the sight of it.

Eridan raised his glass and carefully sipped from it as Sollux chugged the entire thing down like the bastard he was.

"Sol, do you even know where we _are?_" Eridan scowled, wondering and slightly panicking about where the _fuck _that ring went.

"We're in a place where we spend fifty bucks just to sit our asses down on these wooden cushions they call chairs, then a Gringotts vault worth of gold to eat this sparkly-ass pasta which has plants I'm pretty sure are poisonous and-"

Eridan's heart was beating fast, and not in the way it should be. Where was the ring? Did Sollux swallow it? Did he have to take him to the hospital and then he would die on the same day that he was planning to ask him to be with him forever?

"-it this stuff and it's going to be pur- hey, ED? Are you okay? Fuck, man, you're all red."

Eridan quickly grabbed his drink and gulped it down before choking on it and the next moment he was outside coughing his lungs out with Sollux rubbing his back.

"It's fine, ED, better out than in or whatever. Thought you'd be a bit more sophisticated with your drink, so we wouldn't have to waste my World of Warcraft money for the next five years, but whatever."

"It's not like you ca-" Eridan coughed a few more times and stood up. "It's not like you can talk! Now where. Is. The. Ring?"

"The ring? I dunno, it go thrown into like, fucking Mount Doom or something."

"You know what I mean, you bitch! There was a ring in that champagne glass and it couldn't have gone down your slimy throat without tryin' to force it's way outta it like a fuckin' Jaeger!"

"Oooh, you mean this thing." Sollux put his hand to his mouth and drew it away, revealing the yellow diamond ring Eridan had bought yesterday.

"Are you fuckin' kiddin' me? That's gross and you almost gave a godamn heart attack you asshole!'

"Hey, hey, ED, I was just kidding, I was going to nick this and then propose back to you, you know? It'd be hilarious if you didn't start choking like you were sucki-"

"It doesn't matter!" Eridan snatched the ring back before Sollux could somehow get even more scandalised looks from the people around them, even if neither of them could really find it in them to care right now.

"My first plan failed because of your fuckin' idiocy, so now I actually have to do this in literally the most embarrassing way ever."

"We could've ended up eloping in L.A."

"Shut up and let me do this!" Eridan was _blushing, _Sollux noticed with a smirk. He knew what was about to happen, but it was still cute as hell.

"Sol-"

"Don't you need to get down on one knee to do it properly?"

Eridan glared, but obeyed and looked up into the others eyes and started again.

"Sol, you're a bitch."

"Romantic."

"And a sarcastic asshole. You're dirty, lazy, rude, a freeloader and can't seem to physically tear your eyes away from electric screens unless you're fuckin' me or eatin'. And even then you're still sometimes pushin' buttons.

"The first time we met, you were datin' the girl I loved, and I couldn't hate you more. I still hate you. But that's always been our thing, you know? I hate you so much it might as well be love, and I know you feel the same way or you would still be in your pyjamas defeatin' the Elite Four for the thousandth fuckin' time.

"We're still in college, but it's near the end of our last year and I need to make sure that I'll keep gettin' sex before I'm dead.

"So, Sollux Captor, I'd like to conclude this speech with a ring worth more than your house, and the sentence that make you feel obligated to keep it forever. Will you marry me?"

Eridan held up the ring, platnium band glinting in the lamplight, to Sollux, who grinned.

"Definitely."

Eridan jumped up, slid the ringer onto his boyfriend- no, now fiance's- finger, and pulled him into one of the most iconic kisses of his life.

A few of the people in the street clapped and they even heard a 'that's so cuuuuuuute!' coming from somewhere to the right, but both men couldn't really give a shit in their embrace.

"Hey," Sollux whispered into the other's ear when they finally parted. "We're still gonna fuck tonight, right?"

Eridan punched him in the shoulder. "Obviously."


End file.
